02 January 2007

its a new year.
although i left 1006 with regrets, but its alright.
i'll learn to lead a happier life.
and i dont have a sad life ok.its jus that sometimes things happen and it makes you think that life sucks.

anyway,i'll try to blog more often from now on,so that it doesnt seem that i hav a sad life.shall blog more of my sugar and spice!haha sch's gonna reopen soon!gosh doubt im even prepared for it.haha but its ok.im excited to meet my classmates again.
CHEERS! (:
enjoy the new year ahead of you!

i feel so sick and tired of all this. life seems so aimless and i dont know how to feel. i should be feeling happy and jolly since its CHRISTMAS. but im not at all. my heart cant take it any longer. i cant even cry to at least feel better. i really need to get out of this soon!
someone pls. HELP!
im so so tired of life now. i dont even know whats happening.

i feel lousy.
worse than before.
why are so many things happening at the same time?

i stopped a stop earlier, hoping just to catch a glimpse of you. but too bad you were not there already and so i strolled back home.i just wanna hold you so tight and never let you go. hearing every beat of your heart. i just miss the times we had where there were no problems at all.
it seemed perfect. problem free.
til the day when you said, why do things seem to be falling apart. then it hit both of us that there's actually nth called perfect.

it felt so right being with you. and you told me you felt that way too.
but mayb in this world there's no such thing of getting together just bcos it feels right.
but at that point of time i already know in my heart that i've fallen for you.

i didnt want to be a bitch to break you and your girl up but at the same time you were telling me that you dont feel for her anymore. i believed you cos i wanted you to be mine.
that is how selfish love is.

im scared. you could two time me anytime you want.
i really dont wanna end up lik your last.
but am i not enough for you, that you hav to think of doing it to another girl?
i've given you i could and ther'e nth more i can give.
no one ever got all of me. only you.
if you think its not enough for you, then i really do not know what to do.
you always tel me dont do it with other guys also cos you want to feel special, and yes i hav never done it with anyone else since i met you.
im not saying that you did with someone else. but even if you did, i wont get to find out abt it when you and the girl keeps mum abt it.
but it goes against my conscience to betray someone i love deeply.

within such a short period of time since we got together, i can say that i love you much more than any of my ex. you just seem so perfect.

i dont want the reason of us being together and whats keeping us going to be that . i want it to be real love.

on the day that you said you really know that you've fallen in love with me, i was speechless. there was nth more i can say or ask for. i felt lik the luckiest. for a guy to fall in love with me.
you also said that you feel even more lucky than me for heaven to let you love me. you wanna b with me and hold on to me forever.
i love it when you say you'll shower me with love everyday and wanna wake up nxt to me every morning.
you even promised me that i'll be your everything and you can be assured that you'll be my everything too. i just love you.

i hav so much more to say but just not able to put it down.
just want to let you know that for as long as time allows and for as long as my heart beats, i'll love you with all my heart.
i believe we have a much longer road to walk, no matter how tough it gets, we'll go through it together. <3

well, im not gonna see jacqueline alr cos its her last day today. another sad thing. and i couldnt bear to leave the shop cos a day later, hui yi. followed by yong sheng will leave too.
and it'll be me alone. no one to chat with anymore.
the rest of the ppl in the shop are such hypocrites. they've got so man different faces. maybe thats why i saw them as nice ppl in the beginning.
this was what me and jacqueline were talkin about today.

stil missing him really badly ):

Everybody's got something, they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back, oh wondering
How it could be now, or might have been
Oh this I know, but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you.

Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back, oh wondering
How it should be now, or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go.

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back oh wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try, I try I just can't say goodbye.

this song so describes how im feeling right now and for the past few days.
its like so shit can. so nan shou.

many many thoughts and regrets just filled my mind especially during the trip when i see him.
i really regretted and wish that time could repeat itself so that things would change and be much better.
now that i think about it, i realise i just wasn't good enough for him as a girlfriend. what a failure i am. couldn't even give enough love to the one that once loved me and to me i really really loved dearly.

til now, he's stil the one i think about each day.
he's stil the one that i loved wholeheatedly and sincere. i gave everything of myself. i really loved him. he'll always be the one that i'll never forget. no matter how hard i try, i stil cant say goodbye. he'll always stay in my heart. engraved.

mayb i just didnt treasure him enough even though i always said i didnt feel the assurance when i was with him and always though that it sucked and he was in the wrong.
but now its no use lookin back or wondering how it should be now or might have been.

i just wish and pray in my heart that he's happy in life. but i wont be chliche and say that i'll be really happy if he is. cos its nonsense to me.

im glad that we shared precious moments together and they'll atay in my memories for as long and i hope forever. even though we always quarrel over ridiculous things now that i think about it, but i can say that our love was genuine.

mayb i should be more understanding, not always wanting it to be my way. then we could have walked a much longer journey than this. our footprints would then be even more deeply engraved on each other.

anyway things wouldnt change no matter what say or how much i wish for it to go back to the past. what is needed to say. im really sorry for the past and i love you <3